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October 19, 2008
NOTE: You might try this site on your own. It took
up too much space on my site. Move the cursor and when you see the hand, click on. Try everything, the door the
shades, etc. Lots of fun! http://palinaspresident.com/
THEY WANT TO BE NASTY? BRING IT ON!!!
TIME FOR A SENIOR MOMENT!!
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house
together. One night the 96-year old draws a bath. She puts one foot in and pauses. She yells down the stairs,
"Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94-year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come
up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses. Then she yells out, "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
The 92-year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea
and listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful." She knocks
on wood for good measure. She then replies, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
Time to
start carving - which will you choose?
NOT VERY KIND TO THE HOMELESS
HERE IN PHOENIX!
DON'T FORGET TO VOTE!!
HOME, HOME ON THE RANGE!
Where the Hell were the Fashion Police?? But then, again
that might be the woman on the left's husband! Who knows! Things are different out here than they are in New Hampshire!!
Sorry! I didn't share anything with
you this week on what I've been doing. That is what this posting was supposed to be about, but I've gotten carried away.
Any of you that have known me for a long period of time, know that I have never been a political person - even though I've
shared my opinions from time to time. After 8 years of crap - I am BULLSHIT!! - I have to get it out of my system.
Try to tell you what has been happening in my life in the posting next week.
Until next week......
October 12, 2008
AREN'T
YOU GLAD YOU DON'T LIVE NEXT TO THESE RACISTS IN WEST PLAINS, MISSOURI?
In the last month I haven't been feeling well. I was having
heartburn and it seemed any time I had beef, it acted up. Then I felt like I was having heart problems and it got so
bad that I was thinking of going to the Emergency Room. You know me. Stubborn man!! Come to find out it
was severe heartburn that can give off symptoms of having a heart attack.
I feel better but now that the weather is changing, it starts
all over again. The last couple of days have been cool, and my body doesn't like the changes. It'll be back to
the 90's so I'll be all right. This morning I had on my portable heater (something I use only four times a year) because
it was chilly!! WHAT YOU WOULD CALL WARM!! The heat comes on at the end of the month for chilly nights.
My groceries were delivered today, and I seem to have
a problem every time. Last time the bananas should have been sent to the dump four days earlier. I always ask
for my bread sliced and of course they came unsliced.
I've called the manager at 6:00 in the morning of my delivery to make sure they
send the right thing, but I can't do that every time. The kids that put together don't know how to read. Every
time I order a dozen bulk bagels they have no clue.
Today they sent me one bulky roll instead of my one dozen mixed bagels!! I wanted
my sliced loaf of english muffin toasting bread but instead got six english muffins (which are delicious - so I can't really
get mad!!)
I can't get real bakery items at the local store so this upsets me extremely!!
NO BAGELS??
Until next week......
October 5, 2008
DOLLARS! - WHAT'S A DOLLAR?
I did it! I put my life savings under my mattress.
But, I will tell you, those money bags of pennies make for uncomfortable sleeping at night!!
During the debate, all those nasty OLD men of a certain political
persuasion, thought Sarah Palin was winking at them, and that was enough for them to vote for McCain. Hello!!!
Get a life!!
TIME FOR A SENIOR MOMENT!
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's
office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said "Your husband is suffering
from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."
The doctor continued, "each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast.
Be pleasant at all times. For lunch, make him a nutritious meal. For dinner, prepare an especially nice meal.
Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make the stress worse. No nagging.
And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to
a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did
the doctor say?" To which his wife responded, " He said you're going to die."
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
Do you think you could train your pet to use this doorbell when
they wanted to get back into the house?
TRUTH IN ADVERTISING!!
OUT AND ABOUT IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
A lot going on up at the corner. The guy that owns Tony's Pizza and
Chicken Wings (!) was arrested the other day. Not his first time. He lost his license to sell beer a couple of
years ago and reopened as a pizza joint. I've never seen anyone going in, and now I know why. The other day the
health department inspectors went to do their routine inspection and upon going into the walk-in cooler, they found marijuana,
cocaine, meth and scales. Whereupon, they called the cops and now he's back in the slammer. It even made the evening
news!!
Poor Phil - He's such an idiot!! He has tried
everything in the three years I've been here to drum up business - including changing his name from Phylthy Phil's to Phil's
and then back again. Buy one steak dinner get another for free. That lasted about two weeks. His latest
idea was to have Soul Food. He had some poor black artist sit outside during the 110 degree heat and paint a mural on
the side of the building. The main focus was on a giant beehive with bees (the size of paper plates) flying all over
the wall. Unfortunately, Phil didn't get a permit. And a week later they made him repaint the entire wall a solid
color!!
VOTING is the perfect way to not feel like an asshole when someone
asks if you voted!
Until next week......
September 28, 2008
ONE OF HOLLYWOOD'S FINEST!!
Paul Newman: 1925-2008
DON'T PISS OFF YOUR NEIGHBOR!!!
When I ran across this photo of a home being painted in Burlington,
VT, it brought back memories. There was a guy living just outside Manchester, NH that had been so angry with his neighbor,
he painted the house orange with yellow spots. Finally, the neighbor moved away, perhaps at a loss on his property,
and the guy is finally painting his back to a color that will attract buyers, because now he's ready to sell!!
There must be something wrong with me - because I sort of like it!!!
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| Hold the beer! He might not be home! |
Time for a Senior Moment!!
As a senior citizen was driving down
the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Henry, I just heard the
news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 101. Please be careful!"
"Hell," said Henry, "It's not just one car.
It's hundreds of them!"
And I thought the British were supposed to be good at keeping secrets!! When George Bush was visiting, he perhaps helped
them design the sign!
"She drives me crazy." "She's annoying, and she eats shit
out of a can."
Martha Stewart's obnoxious daughter
Alexis, on how she feels about one of
my least favorite talk show hosts, Rachel Ray!
When I was downtown recently I noticed a very large garden type
complex across from the Arizona Center. I checked it out. Not for me!!! When I found out they had Valet
Garbage Pick-up, I decided I couldn't afford it. For $45 a month, they will pick up your daily garbage at your door
so you don't have to go to the Dumpster!!! No reason to go further!! I love my complex, but I would love to be
across from the Arizona Center.
Whatever happened to LOVE THY MOTHER WITH ALL THY
HEART? I read in the paper yesterday that a Colorado man hired two men to kill his mother so he could use her money
to get breast implants for his girlfriend. The mother was attacked, but escaped. She's been released from the
hospital. They had planned on dumping her body in the desert in New Mexico or Arizona. I guess the 21-year old
will have to go without her implants for awhile!!
TIME TO GET ANOTHER DOCTOR - My doctor told me the other day
he couldn't find the cause of my illness. He told me it might be due to drinking.
In that case, I told him, I'll come back tomorrow, when you're sober!
Here we go again! Eighteen classrooms in a Phoenix school
were left without air-conditioning earlier this week after copper thieves destroyed 17 units beyond repair.
The removal of $500 worth of copper coils and a few compressors from the
17 units resulted in $125,000 in damages.
Question: Do you think the Arizona representatives would notice if
the copper dome on the old State Capitol was missing one morning on their way to session? If they're representative
of their New Hampshire counterparts, I don't think so!!
NICE
TO MEET YOU, TOO!!
Some of you dog lovers are going to hate me, but these dogs,
a favorite of apartment dwellers, are nothing more than yelping rats!! They are loyal - but I would much rather have
a real dog - a golden retriever!! After the new movie comes out, you'll find them everywhere!!!
Now that I said my piece - get over it - it was just MY opinion. No
nasty e-mails from you!!
Until next week......If I didn't offend all of you!!
September 21, 2008
I'M BACK!!!! The summer has been pretty hot,
but not as hot as last year. I'll be posting when I have something to say - usually on Sunday.
I did miss sharing with you what I was doing during the summer.
It doesn't come close to how it would have been should I be able to share it with you in person. A lot happened - but
those times have passed. I'll try to share with you what is going on in my life now - other than getting older.
And boy, that does catch up with you FAST!!!
Let's see what Peter has to say today.............
ONE MORE REASON
I CAN'T STAND RACHAEL RAY!
I can just imagine the comments that will appear on rachelraysucks.com
tomorrow after Cindy and John appear on the show! Tune in or NOT!!!
If you are of a different political persuasion - log off - otherwise,
stay around and learn something!
When I went down to the local AM/PM I was told
I was a winner of one of their drawings. I bought tickets for the Children's Hospital of Phoenix. I'm a sucker
for things like that. I told the clerk if I won the prize - which was a great half refrigerator with the wrap-around
of Budweiser on it - I would give it to her. I put her name on the cards. Today, she told me we won a really nice
cooler. She gave me a ride home with my beer - and she has her cooler. She was happy and I was able to take home
an 18 pack.
YOU KNOW THIS GUY?
Have you seen this man lately? I haven't seen him around
his $4.3 million condo on Camelback, across from the Biltmore Fashion Park, and next to Tiffany's.
Within the next two weeks all the Festivals will be starting.
You know how much I look forward them. First, the Irish Festival and then the Octoberfest the following weekend.
I'll share my experiences with you. I think I should buy a camera!!
DO YOU KNOW THIS WOMAN?
Cindy, who thinks of herself as America's Barbie, wants Sarah
PLAIN(!) to get out and talk with the average American woman that shops at Wal-Mart! Are American woman that STUPID!!
I hope to HELL not, because I've been working for equal rights for years. Don't yell at me - I know how to spell her
name!
Question? Do you think Donna Sytek is more like
Cindy or Sarah. You don't have to answer, because I don't give a shit! @#$$%%^&&*** And that is
all I have to say!
I've been here for over two and a half years and haven't tried
new bus routes. I was sort afraid to go through new neighborhoods until I knew what they were like. I took my
regular route and had to get a transfer.
Well, I tried a new bus, and it takes me right to the center of Phoenix.
I love it. I can go to the Post Office and run down to the Wells Fargo Museum to see what's new.
I'll tell you about downtown next week. The Wells Fargo Stagecoach
could gallop downtown and no one would even know they were there. You think Concord is quiet?
Adult joke - scroll down to not be offended!
A man was sitting at the bar at the Barley House and said
to the woman next to him, "This is a special day." "What a coincidence, she replied, I'm celebrating too. What
are you celebrating?" "I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."
What a coincidence, the woman said.
For my husband and I have been trying
to have a child. Today my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant.
"How did your chickens become fertile?" she asked.
"I switched cocks" he replied.
"What a coincidence,"she said.
It wouldn't be a posting should I not give Jim Cole information
regarding the restoration of his bathroom. Now that the fishing season is over, this toilet might just be for you.
Pay attention to the sign above. Look - don't eat!!
WHEN THE SHIT HITS THE FAN - YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE A FRIEND THAT
DOESN'T GIVE A DAMN!!
I have to leave you on a good note. Until next week..............
WHOOPS! I was just ready to log out when
I came across this picture of PingPing, shortest man in the world. He had better not stand too close to that fire hydrant
- or my friend above - will piss on him! Did I say that?
I sort of recognize him - but he wasn't that short when he was
married to Donna. I think he was 6' 4" when they first met. Maybe I'm confused.
Until next week......
March 30, 2008
THE GOOD NEWS: The weather is now in the 80's every day.
THE BAD NEWS: I've decided to take the Summer (?) off.
I'll be in touch!
CLARIFICATION: This has nothing to do with the above!
March 23, 2008
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| WHY CAN'T WE ALL GET ALONG?????? |
CLARIFICATION: I want to clarify something with all of
you. I share the cartoons that catch my interest - not necessarily those that I personally agree with.
COVER
OF MY "NEW YORK
MAGAZINE" THIS WEEK!
As if the new Governor of New York and his wife are anyone to look up to!!!!!!!!!
Hurley Ranch Elementary students were out
of classses Monday because toilets and water fountains were not working after thieves stole copper pipes that deliver water
to the school. The thieves apparently used bolt cutters to get past the cage that surrounded the pipes.
I'm so happy I can sit out by the pool or on my balcony
and not have to watch idiot TV. The other day on "The View" they were doing a segment on going "Green" and the guy showed
a granite countertop and Joy commented, "That comes from the earth, doesn't it? DUH!!!
Thank goodness I receive the History Channel!!
Luckily, I get up at 4:30 when my newspaper arrives.
Unfortunately, one of my neighbors does not! His next door neighbor leaves her four cats out before she goes to work
and one of them likes to piss all over his paper. Thankfully, it comes with a plastic sleeve over it. IT WOULD
HAPPEN TO ME ONLY ONE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Someone must have called the grass police. Those two properties
have been taken care of. They look neat as a pin. Even the palm trees were trimmed.
I was wondering where Marty has been. He's in 7th Heaven.
Coming from Kentucky, his firm has been sending him all around the country. He loves it. Unfortunately, with per
diem, he's become a PORKER!! Did I say that?
NO WONDER MARICOPA COUNTY IS THE FASTEST GROWING
COUNTY IN THE UNITED STATES. I HATE TO TELL YOU THIS, BUT THE WEATHER WILL BE IN THE MID TO HIGH 80's FOR THE NEXT WEEK!!
I DO WORRY ABOUT YOU EVERY DAY, THOUGH.
There was an India Festival at the Phoenix Art Museum this weekend
- but for some reason that just doesn't do it for me!
UNTIL NEXT WEEK......You'll notice I was nice to George Bush
and Jim Cole this week....after all....it is Easter!
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